Things have not been going well at all lately. Things are piling on about CSU. Our backup plan is turning out to be a failure. And to top it off finals are next week.
Tonight my dumb self is staying up all night so she doesn't sleep class in the morning. I'm wishing there was someone to talk to but there's not. Craig is asleep and he thinks I'm mad at him. Everyone else on campus is asleep. I don't have my phone so people who are awake, I can't contact them. ugh. I just need something to happen, where everything is fixed and everything is solved and me and Craig can go to CSU and Craig will get a job with Dark Horse and out lives will be fine...
I'm also just highly upset because I came to the realization that I just suck at life. All of it. Even video game lives. I've found that I lose at everything. I have horrible strategy, I don't think, and I just can't win. Pokemon, I have horrible strategy and I don't think. Yugioh I have horrible strategy and I'm too stubborn. Any other game, I just suck.
I also choose the crappiest friends. And apparently the noisiest when they sleep. (Or wake up while I'm trying to sleep...) My roommate snores, moves A LOT and makes weird noises with her mouth that sound super gross. When she wakes up in the morning she is so LOUD. She has no regard for my sleeping. The water is on full, she slams all her doors/drawers shut....everything she can possibly do to make noise.
And I want to talk to Craig. I feel bad for getting mad for no reason again, and for going back into my abusive habbit....I blame it on all these things but, that's really no excuse. I'm going to marry him someday, do i want my children to think it's okay? No. I need to stop before I even start....
Gaia makes me mad too. It further shows that I fail at everything.
You know I intended this to be so that no one would see them. However, I want someone to see them. Even if it's a stranger. Thank you to whom ever reads this. You are greatly appreciated for taking time out of your day to read my pathetic rants. I wish I could get some reply though.
I also want my computer to stop freaking out. It whites out every now and again and it scares me. This is a brand new computer!
I have to go cry in a corner and not sleep for another 6 hours....thank you for reading if you did. Good bye...
Friday, April 29, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Help...
I need someone to talk to. For the past few days things have not been going well and I've been in a sense losing a few friends. We haven't physically or verbally fought really, but I have been pretty annoyed with them recently and it's gotten to a point where everything they do just kind of annoys me. And it shouldn't be that way.
I think what it is this; I've been stressed out a lot lately and on top of that my friends have been getting on my nerves. I've been stressed about school, keeping up with my grades and such. I have a lot of papers to write and because I don't have a printer I have to pay ten cents a page and I have a lot of pages to print. As well I have stress money wise too. While at the same time I'm trying to transfer to CSU (Columbus State University). This requires me to go through the whole application process all over again. I have to pay the application fee, I have to apply for housing, I have to apply for food, I have to apply for FASFA, scholarships, all this stuff...
And I just looked back at the CSU site and it looks like it's already too late to ask for scholarships, crap!!!! I really have to cry now...I can't do anything like this...what now?
As for my friends...They're just annoying me because it seems to me that they care for nothing but themselves. I feel like I should talk to them but, it's hard and I don't know how to take it. I also feel as if they wont listen. And there for nothing will get done. But I also know running away will only make things worse and awkward...I guess eventually I'll muster up the courage to talk to them....hopefully before I explode in frustration...
Most of you might think I have a boyfriend I can talk to, and where that is a stress reliever for me, I know that he's stressed about all the same things. We can talk about it to each other but a lot of times I feel like we go in circles and a lot of times I get frustrated and that makes him more stressed and I want to stop doing that to him...
I honestly would feel better if I could talk to someone not near me...some people say strangers are good to talk to....but I dunno....
I'm sorry guys but I'm going to go to bed. I hope I can find someone to talk to soon... thanks for reading...
I think what it is this; I've been stressed out a lot lately and on top of that my friends have been getting on my nerves. I've been stressed about school, keeping up with my grades and such. I have a lot of papers to write and because I don't have a printer I have to pay ten cents a page and I have a lot of pages to print. As well I have stress money wise too. While at the same time I'm trying to transfer to CSU (Columbus State University). This requires me to go through the whole application process all over again. I have to pay the application fee, I have to apply for housing, I have to apply for food, I have to apply for FASFA, scholarships, all this stuff...
And I just looked back at the CSU site and it looks like it's already too late to ask for scholarships, crap!!!! I really have to cry now...I can't do anything like this...what now?
As for my friends...They're just annoying me because it seems to me that they care for nothing but themselves. I feel like I should talk to them but, it's hard and I don't know how to take it. I also feel as if they wont listen. And there for nothing will get done. But I also know running away will only make things worse and awkward...I guess eventually I'll muster up the courage to talk to them....hopefully before I explode in frustration...
Most of you might think I have a boyfriend I can talk to, and where that is a stress reliever for me, I know that he's stressed about all the same things. We can talk about it to each other but a lot of times I feel like we go in circles and a lot of times I get frustrated and that makes him more stressed and I want to stop doing that to him...
I honestly would feel better if I could talk to someone not near me...some people say strangers are good to talk to....but I dunno....
I'm sorry guys but I'm going to go to bed. I hope I can find someone to talk to soon... thanks for reading...
Friday, April 1, 2011
Feeling sad again
I'm glad I have not a lot of followers/readers. Thanks to my one follower if they read this. :3 Very sweet of you.
But this is another sad post. Which was all this blog was made for really, so I guess it's okay.
But before I get on mumbling about that for no reason, let me get to what I want to talk about. Lately I've not only been feeling sad, but pretty darn angry. At others and myself, even best friends. Recently my friend from high school, who I now go to college with, has been getting on my nerves rather a lot. We didn't hang out much in high school and so I didn't realize just how much of an extremest he is. I understand he's ADHD, but I know other people who have the same thing and act no where as bad as he dose. Maybe he just has an extreme case of it, but it's pretty frikken ridiculous. Lately what's really been getting on my nerves about him is his anger issues. His anger is above and beyond annoying and I feel he needs to get over himself. The other day he came stomping into his room and slamming the door and throwing a fit just because he wasn't allowed to do what he wanted to do. There was a good reason to not go outside, there was a tornado warning going on. And what he wanted to do was pretty much not a good idea in the first place since he could get in trouble for it, one, and two, he's still not very good at it so he probably would have hurt himself. (He did later that week, messed up his ankle so now he can't do it anyway). And because I'm sure you're wondering he was out doing parkor, a running sport where you just run and climb and jump. Like free running but less flashy.
Talking about his ankle, btw, you think because he messed it up he would be smart and not walk on it or move it too much or anything, but no, instead he decides to not wrap it and not put ice on it so it doesn't swell, and he walks on it all day and crap like that....UGH frikken take care of yourself so you can continue to parkor. Even professionals know that. Dummy.
Ugh anyway....he also steals non-stop and that's getting annoying. He frikken took pants from the school's theater. Yes they were some pretty awesome pants, but first of all, they were far too big for him. And what's horrible about that is he's skinny as crap and the pants were skinny jeans...the retard, get clothes that 1. fit, and 2. you'll wear. The pants don't match anything he owns and because of that he wont wear them. It just picks at me so much. I'm thinking of just taking them back without him knowing.
Also because of his stealing habbit he seems to have no problem just taking my food. It started with just taking some beanyweenys I had bought. He said I could have one of his, that's fine and good but later when I come back from a break I had all this food and my favorite candy (Reese's) was included. That's his favorite candy too, which is fine. If he wants a candy he can ask me to have one right? No, he just decides to go in and eat whenever the heck he wanted to, and as a result ate them ALL. I got two out of almost fifteen. The frikken RETARD gosh....dangit...He did it again with a thing of chips ahoy I had, and some honey, and some rootbeer. Everything would be fine if had just asked, but no he just takes things....
And here's the thing, I would like to confront him about it. I would love to say something, but first off, I don't know how because of the overly angry issue he has....My boyfriend tries but he takes things too jokingly and no one takes him seriously so nothing gets done. I also feel like that if I were to say anything, the boy would just get mad and not listen anyway and he would continue to do what he does.
And he always thinks he's right and tries to fight it when he's obviously wrong. Dude just be wrong and learn.
And then there's his girlfriend. She doesn't make me as mad, she's just a kind of pet peeve I guess, but it just feels to me that she is lazy as crap when it comes to manual labor. She's a hard worker when it comes to homework and such, but whenever I come into work she just seems to be sitting there until I get there, and then she tells me to do all the hard/gross stuff. And she's always in a pessimistic mood it seems. And now she's growing random strawberries that no one's going to eat because they're wild. Bleh. Oh well.
And now I just feel sad because I'm a Mormon girl and I haven't been following the ways. And it's kind of hurting me inside. And I want to change but it's hard....If I were to change I would have to drop everything and everyone...So I dunno what to do.
And now there's a party tonight, a birthday party for a girl I really like, and I want to go, but I know it's going to be crowded and there's alcohol and I want to go for her, and I probably wont drink. But I don't want to be around all those drunk people....So I dunno what to do...
Other than that things seem to be okay. School is going okay and I'm applying for CSU. Hopefully I can get in, also I'll be able to see my Daddy this summer. :3
So, thank you for reading if you did! I'm going to make this as good a day as I can. Bai bai!
But this is another sad post. Which was all this blog was made for really, so I guess it's okay.
But before I get on mumbling about that for no reason, let me get to what I want to talk about. Lately I've not only been feeling sad, but pretty darn angry. At others and myself, even best friends. Recently my friend from high school, who I now go to college with, has been getting on my nerves rather a lot. We didn't hang out much in high school and so I didn't realize just how much of an extremest he is. I understand he's ADHD, but I know other people who have the same thing and act no where as bad as he dose. Maybe he just has an extreme case of it, but it's pretty frikken ridiculous. Lately what's really been getting on my nerves about him is his anger issues. His anger is above and beyond annoying and I feel he needs to get over himself. The other day he came stomping into his room and slamming the door and throwing a fit just because he wasn't allowed to do what he wanted to do. There was a good reason to not go outside, there was a tornado warning going on. And what he wanted to do was pretty much not a good idea in the first place since he could get in trouble for it, one, and two, he's still not very good at it so he probably would have hurt himself. (He did later that week, messed up his ankle so now he can't do it anyway). And because I'm sure you're wondering he was out doing parkor, a running sport where you just run and climb and jump. Like free running but less flashy.
Talking about his ankle, btw, you think because he messed it up he would be smart and not walk on it or move it too much or anything, but no, instead he decides to not wrap it and not put ice on it so it doesn't swell, and he walks on it all day and crap like that....UGH frikken take care of yourself so you can continue to parkor. Even professionals know that. Dummy.
Ugh anyway....he also steals non-stop and that's getting annoying. He frikken took pants from the school's theater. Yes they were some pretty awesome pants, but first of all, they were far too big for him. And what's horrible about that is he's skinny as crap and the pants were skinny jeans...the retard, get clothes that 1. fit, and 2. you'll wear. The pants don't match anything he owns and because of that he wont wear them. It just picks at me so much. I'm thinking of just taking them back without him knowing.
Also because of his stealing habbit he seems to have no problem just taking my food. It started with just taking some beanyweenys I had bought. He said I could have one of his, that's fine and good but later when I come back from a break I had all this food and my favorite candy (Reese's) was included. That's his favorite candy too, which is fine. If he wants a candy he can ask me to have one right? No, he just decides to go in and eat whenever the heck he wanted to, and as a result ate them ALL. I got two out of almost fifteen. The frikken RETARD gosh....dangit...He did it again with a thing of chips ahoy I had, and some honey, and some rootbeer. Everything would be fine if had just asked, but no he just takes things....
And here's the thing, I would like to confront him about it. I would love to say something, but first off, I don't know how because of the overly angry issue he has....My boyfriend tries but he takes things too jokingly and no one takes him seriously so nothing gets done. I also feel like that if I were to say anything, the boy would just get mad and not listen anyway and he would continue to do what he does.
And he always thinks he's right and tries to fight it when he's obviously wrong. Dude just be wrong and learn.
And then there's his girlfriend. She doesn't make me as mad, she's just a kind of pet peeve I guess, but it just feels to me that she is lazy as crap when it comes to manual labor. She's a hard worker when it comes to homework and such, but whenever I come into work she just seems to be sitting there until I get there, and then she tells me to do all the hard/gross stuff. And she's always in a pessimistic mood it seems. And now she's growing random strawberries that no one's going to eat because they're wild. Bleh. Oh well.
And now I just feel sad because I'm a Mormon girl and I haven't been following the ways. And it's kind of hurting me inside. And I want to change but it's hard....If I were to change I would have to drop everything and everyone...So I dunno what to do.
And now there's a party tonight, a birthday party for a girl I really like, and I want to go, but I know it's going to be crowded and there's alcohol and I want to go for her, and I probably wont drink. But I don't want to be around all those drunk people....So I dunno what to do...
Other than that things seem to be okay. School is going okay and I'm applying for CSU. Hopefully I can get in, also I'll be able to see my Daddy this summer. :3
So, thank you for reading if you did! I'm going to make this as good a day as I can. Bai bai!
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