I'm sorry I keep doing this to you guys, but I promise this journal wont be that long.
I just wanted to let everyone know that, nothing worked out with school. I'm back home now, and I'm trying again for next semester. I know now that things need to be done MUCH earlier, and I think I'm better prepared for next semester. If I was accepted once, I should be accepted a second time, right? I also know the due date for scholarships, so if I can get those that will help a lot. I also plan to get my FASFA in earlier, and even Dad's GI Bill again, and hopefully I should have a lot of money left over. c:
The only problems I'm really having right now is that I feel bad for all the stress and problems I've been giving my family, Craig's family, and my friend Cassie. I've been taking up room and food in Craig's home, abusing Cassie's car, and wasting my parent's money and space. So, now I'm just really anxious to get back and be at school and get a job, you know, so I can start taking care of myself.
But, that's all I have for now.
Thanks for reading. c:
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
More News
So my mood has been... crap lately. I'm finally home with the one I love and things were fine for the first couple of days. I didn't feel anything but happiness and it was because I was with him. Then Monday rolled around and I called CSU to set up a date to move in to the school, I'll be moving in this Saturday at 11:00AM. Which I just realized means I need to get up super early. Bah. But anyway, ever since then, the week has been progressing and my feelings have just gotten worse and worse. And I think I know why. For one, the due date for paying for school is literally right around around the corner. In fact it's practically today. In fact, I think it was yesterday. My classes are being dropped, and now I have to re-register for them today and wait for the 19th to roll around and officially kick me out of school. I just talked to my mom about it, she said if things happened out all wrong they would take out another loan. And I REALLY don't want her to have to do that again... She already has to pay too much in the parent plus loan just because of me. I think another plane ticket home would be cheaper... I would hate to do that again to her but, it is cheaper. And then I can go to George Town University, supposedly for free since Dad will be working there.
So yeah, that's all one reason why I feel like crap. Another is I think the atmosphere of the house I'm living in now. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, by any means, because they let me stay in this house at last minute and they're so nice to me, to feed me and allow me to stay here and what not. I'm sure I am no help to any burdens they bare. However, the atmosphere, just seems to be a lot of hate. Craig's mother does seemingly nothing but complain and disagree and disapprove of everything and anything Craig does, no matter what. She has no belief in him. What-so-ever. She doesn't believe that he's been looking for a job when that's all he ever does. And when she finally finds one she still disapproves of him in some way. He's apparently nothing but crap, and I know they never used to be this way. I know his mom has been through a lot, but now it just seems like she's taking it out on him because he's here. And of course she wont take it out on her boyfriend, because he's paying for something in this house, even though I know when Craig starts paying rent she'll still find something.
Also, to grow on this atmosphere of hate. Craig and I have almost no respect for her boyfriend. Me probably more so. Apparently just because he pays the internet he thinks he has the right to do whatever the hell he wants with it. At first there was a timer, so that Craig would be kicked off around 11:20PM. Okay, that wouldn't be such a huge ordeal if they had at least said something about it. But instead they just left it for him to find out. They gave the excuse that it was because he wasn't looking for a job, which I know is total bull crap. They only choose to see what they want to see and what they want to see is Craig laying on couch. For some odd reason they don't see him actually doing something. But anyway, after just putting a timer on the internet, once I got here, they just decided to block his computer entirely. So what they just expect him to use his mother's computer from now on? I know she already hates it when he uses her computer. But then as soon as I pull out my computer it's suddenly blocked too. I mean, he can't do that right? It's my computer that I use for school business, or to talk to my parents, and where I may be able to use the phone to talk to my parents I still have files and stuff on my computer that I can't access through any one else's computer that I may actually need for school or any other business. Not to mention the computer are OURS we shouldn't HAVE to use anyone else's stuff. He may have payment over the internet but I don't think that gives him the right to block our computers from it, especially if we need them to get anywhere in life, right? Or I am just being a stubborn teenager..?
And on top of all that. My ear still has pressure built up from the plane trip here. I can't hear almost at all from my left ear. I've tried everything to make it go away, but I guess I just have to wait for it to go away. Though I wouldn't mind suggestions. .-.
Either way... I thought writing this down or talking about it would make me feel better. The fact that I finally talked to Mom about everything made me feel a little more at ease. I guess writing it down did make me feel better too. Talking to Craig helps as well. I just need some stress relief, even though I know it wont go away.
But, to leave you guys with some good news. Craig did get a job, granted it's only part time but a job is a job. He's going to work on getting a car, even though that's going to take months, but if he works hard on it I know things can get accomplished. Now that he has something it might be easier for him to get a job somewhere a little better, right? And Mom did say she would help me out with school. I mean, she didn't sound happy but you know, who would be after thinking they have to take out another loan? But it lets me know she does love me and she does care for me, and I am thankful for that.
I'm sorry if this is too spiritual for anyone, but I have to say, I thank the lord for everything he has blessed me with and for listening to my prayers.
Thank you everyone for your support and for listening to what I have to say. Or rather, reading. I thank all of my watchers for their support, I thank all of my friends for their support, for being my backbone, for being there for me, and I thank Craig for bring there for me, and for being the one I can trust entirely, and for loving me unconditionally and for trying to make me happy.
I also want to thank my parents, my mother and father, individually, for supporting me and helping me all the way through. I feel like I can take advantage of them sometimes, and I try to avoid that, and I am sorry for any and all trouble I have caused them. I love them so much, and I thank them for being my parents.
Thank you.
So yeah, that's all one reason why I feel like crap. Another is I think the atmosphere of the house I'm living in now. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, by any means, because they let me stay in this house at last minute and they're so nice to me, to feed me and allow me to stay here and what not. I'm sure I am no help to any burdens they bare. However, the atmosphere, just seems to be a lot of hate. Craig's mother does seemingly nothing but complain and disagree and disapprove of everything and anything Craig does, no matter what. She has no belief in him. What-so-ever. She doesn't believe that he's been looking for a job when that's all he ever does. And when she finally finds one she still disapproves of him in some way. He's apparently nothing but crap, and I know they never used to be this way. I know his mom has been through a lot, but now it just seems like she's taking it out on him because he's here. And of course she wont take it out on her boyfriend, because he's paying for something in this house, even though I know when Craig starts paying rent she'll still find something.
Also, to grow on this atmosphere of hate. Craig and I have almost no respect for her boyfriend. Me probably more so. Apparently just because he pays the internet he thinks he has the right to do whatever the hell he wants with it. At first there was a timer, so that Craig would be kicked off around 11:20PM. Okay, that wouldn't be such a huge ordeal if they had at least said something about it. But instead they just left it for him to find out. They gave the excuse that it was because he wasn't looking for a job, which I know is total bull crap. They only choose to see what they want to see and what they want to see is Craig laying on couch. For some odd reason they don't see him actually doing something. But anyway, after just putting a timer on the internet, once I got here, they just decided to block his computer entirely. So what they just expect him to use his mother's computer from now on? I know she already hates it when he uses her computer. But then as soon as I pull out my computer it's suddenly blocked too. I mean, he can't do that right? It's my computer that I use for school business, or to talk to my parents, and where I may be able to use the phone to talk to my parents I still have files and stuff on my computer that I can't access through any one else's computer that I may actually need for school or any other business. Not to mention the computer are OURS we shouldn't HAVE to use anyone else's stuff. He may have payment over the internet but I don't think that gives him the right to block our computers from it, especially if we need them to get anywhere in life, right? Or I am just being a stubborn teenager..?
And on top of all that. My ear still has pressure built up from the plane trip here. I can't hear almost at all from my left ear. I've tried everything to make it go away, but I guess I just have to wait for it to go away. Though I wouldn't mind suggestions. .-.
Either way... I thought writing this down or talking about it would make me feel better. The fact that I finally talked to Mom about everything made me feel a little more at ease. I guess writing it down did make me feel better too. Talking to Craig helps as well. I just need some stress relief, even though I know it wont go away.
But, to leave you guys with some good news. Craig did get a job, granted it's only part time but a job is a job. He's going to work on getting a car, even though that's going to take months, but if he works hard on it I know things can get accomplished. Now that he has something it might be easier for him to get a job somewhere a little better, right? And Mom did say she would help me out with school. I mean, she didn't sound happy but you know, who would be after thinking they have to take out another loan? But it lets me know she does love me and she does care for me, and I am thankful for that.
I'm sorry if this is too spiritual for anyone, but I have to say, I thank the lord for everything he has blessed me with and for listening to my prayers.
Thank you everyone for your support and for listening to what I have to say. Or rather, reading. I thank all of my watchers for their support, I thank all of my friends for their support, for being my backbone, for being there for me, and I thank Craig for bring there for me, and for being the one I can trust entirely, and for loving me unconditionally and for trying to make me happy.
I also want to thank my parents, my mother and father, individually, for supporting me and helping me all the way through. I feel like I can take advantage of them sometimes, and I try to avoid that, and I am sorry for any and all trouble I have caused them. I love them so much, and I thank them for being my parents.
Thank you.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Some good news and some bad news
We're going to go ahead and get the school news out of the way, since that's what's hardest for me to talk about right now.
The good news is that I finally have my cougar one card (the card that identifies me, lets me buy food, etc. etc). Which kind of makes me an official student at Columbus State university. Also, I FINALLY got my FASFA stuff sent to them. It was faxed to them on Saturday and they get it immediately, which is great. However, I fear it may still be too late. I got an email just a couple days ago telling me that if I don't pay for everything immediately, then I could be dropped and charged with fees. Which, would be horrible. I don't know how long it will take for them to actually give me information about any grants or anything. I also haven't heard anything back from the government about my father's GI bill.
And on top of everything I STILL need to ask about payment plans and set up an appointment for housing. Ugh! Andrew College, as much hell as it was, was NOT this hard. I just sent them the money and that was it. I do like the fact that Columbus charges by how many credit hours you have, but and Andrew they just gave you a meal plan, they didn't charge for housing separately, and there was no down payment on housing either.
But, I'm staying hopeful. Classes don't start until August 15th. I know that doesn't give me a lot of time, but hopefully it will be enough.
I'm going home to Craig on Thursday, I've missed him so much... We're not going to be able to have our perfect night like we would have loved to, but there was just no way I could afford it. And, I had to pay for it myself, because Craig still doesn't have a job. Supposedly he has one now, he was interviewed a couple of weeks ago. And he told me that if he could just get an interview than he could get a job. However, they haven't called him back yet. He's supposed to get one this week, but we'll see.
Also, I'm having issues with his home. His mother doesn't want me to stay at her place anymore. I haven't exactly figured out why yet. She told us it's because of her situation, because she may have to go into surgery. However, where I do sympathize for her, I don't see how that hinders me staying at her place. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with her not liking me, weather she thinks I'm ungrateful, a coward, or just stupid... But whatever the case she's letting me stay, on conditions. One of them having to be getting birth control. Which, reminds me I have to do a little bit of research on.
I've tried talking to my parents about it but, for some reason they always stop and make fun of the situation, and shrug it off like I was kidding.
-half an hour later-
I just talked to Mom about it and she actually took it seriously without getting mad. I'm always afraid of her taking things the wrong way, so I'm always afraid to talk to her. However, this time everything was okay. She helped me out, told me to call the hospital and see how soon I can make an appointment. If it can't be before I leave then I will see about going to one back down in Georgia.
I still have to see when I leave on Thursday. One moment.
Alright, I guess if I really have to then I can get an appointment on Thursday. My plane don't leave until 10:15PM.Which means I need to get there at about 8, which means I may need to leave the house at about 7. So, if need be I can make an appointment on Thursday, just to reiterate.
Going back to what I was talking about that led to this. I'm finally returning to Craig on Thursday, though it'll be Friday when I get there, my plane lands at 4:06PM in Georgia. And then I'll need to find Groomes, and ride that back to Columbus, pay them $34 I think it was, and then find Craig, love on him, go to the store, buy some groceries, pay his mom, and then maybe FINALLY get home and relax with my baby, with a warm shower, a relaxing dinner, and a night with just my baby and me. And then I get to start worrying about school again...
Speaking of school, the twins start school in the morning. Mom will be waking them up and probably me as well so that I can call the hospital and ask about a same day appointment. And then I'll need to call CSU, and all this means waking up early, and I'll probably have to head to bed here really soon if I want to wake up that early.
Also, I don't know why, but for some reason I'm trying to impress that bitch again. While on the big island a couple weeks ago, I bought her a shell just because Kylee was getting her something. However, when I asked her if I could come over, she kept making up an excuse not to see me. I leave on Thursday, and I'll be busy during the week, and she has school. But you know what, whatever. If she wants to lose me again that's her loss. I believe I've lost most of my feelings for her, other than anger, so it wont hurt me to finally lose her. Hopefully for good this time.
Anyway. I need to go to sleep now and get some work done in the morning. I really wish I could talk to someone, however everyone is asleep already, as of everyone I know is in a place where it's already 4-5AM. And they both need their sleep, so I wont bother them for anything (not that I can anyway).
Thank you for reading all the way through if you did!
Sorry for such a long post this time!
Good night!!
The good news is that I finally have my cougar one card (the card that identifies me, lets me buy food, etc. etc). Which kind of makes me an official student at Columbus State university. Also, I FINALLY got my FASFA stuff sent to them. It was faxed to them on Saturday and they get it immediately, which is great. However, I fear it may still be too late. I got an email just a couple days ago telling me that if I don't pay for everything immediately, then I could be dropped and charged with fees. Which, would be horrible. I don't know how long it will take for them to actually give me information about any grants or anything. I also haven't heard anything back from the government about my father's GI bill.
And on top of everything I STILL need to ask about payment plans and set up an appointment for housing. Ugh! Andrew College, as much hell as it was, was NOT this hard. I just sent them the money and that was it. I do like the fact that Columbus charges by how many credit hours you have, but and Andrew they just gave you a meal plan, they didn't charge for housing separately, and there was no down payment on housing either.
But, I'm staying hopeful. Classes don't start until August 15th. I know that doesn't give me a lot of time, but hopefully it will be enough.
I'm going home to Craig on Thursday, I've missed him so much... We're not going to be able to have our perfect night like we would have loved to, but there was just no way I could afford it. And, I had to pay for it myself, because Craig still doesn't have a job. Supposedly he has one now, he was interviewed a couple of weeks ago. And he told me that if he could just get an interview than he could get a job. However, they haven't called him back yet. He's supposed to get one this week, but we'll see.
Also, I'm having issues with his home. His mother doesn't want me to stay at her place anymore. I haven't exactly figured out why yet. She told us it's because of her situation, because she may have to go into surgery. However, where I do sympathize for her, I don't see how that hinders me staying at her place. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with her not liking me, weather she thinks I'm ungrateful, a coward, or just stupid... But whatever the case she's letting me stay, on conditions. One of them having to be getting birth control. Which, reminds me I have to do a little bit of research on.
I've tried talking to my parents about it but, for some reason they always stop and make fun of the situation, and shrug it off like I was kidding.
-half an hour later-
I just talked to Mom about it and she actually took it seriously without getting mad. I'm always afraid of her taking things the wrong way, so I'm always afraid to talk to her. However, this time everything was okay. She helped me out, told me to call the hospital and see how soon I can make an appointment. If it can't be before I leave then I will see about going to one back down in Georgia.
I still have to see when I leave on Thursday. One moment.
Alright, I guess if I really have to then I can get an appointment on Thursday. My plane don't leave until 10:15PM.Which means I need to get there at about 8, which means I may need to leave the house at about 7. So, if need be I can make an appointment on Thursday, just to reiterate.
Going back to what I was talking about that led to this. I'm finally returning to Craig on Thursday, though it'll be Friday when I get there, my plane lands at 4:06PM in Georgia. And then I'll need to find Groomes, and ride that back to Columbus, pay them $34 I think it was, and then find Craig, love on him, go to the store, buy some groceries, pay his mom, and then maybe FINALLY get home and relax with my baby, with a warm shower, a relaxing dinner, and a night with just my baby and me. And then I get to start worrying about school again...
Speaking of school, the twins start school in the morning. Mom will be waking them up and probably me as well so that I can call the hospital and ask about a same day appointment. And then I'll need to call CSU, and all this means waking up early, and I'll probably have to head to bed here really soon if I want to wake up that early.
Also, I don't know why, but for some reason I'm trying to impress that bitch again. While on the big island a couple weeks ago, I bought her a shell just because Kylee was getting her something. However, when I asked her if I could come over, she kept making up an excuse not to see me. I leave on Thursday, and I'll be busy during the week, and she has school. But you know what, whatever. If she wants to lose me again that's her loss. I believe I've lost most of my feelings for her, other than anger, so it wont hurt me to finally lose her. Hopefully for good this time.
Anyway. I need to go to sleep now and get some work done in the morning. I really wish I could talk to someone, however everyone is asleep already, as of everyone I know is in a place where it's already 4-5AM. And they both need their sleep, so I wont bother them for anything (not that I can anyway).
Thank you for reading all the way through if you did!
Sorry for such a long post this time!
Good night!!
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