Sometimes I Feel Everything is My Fault.

So nothing good has really come of this past week.

We just got out of school for the summer. And my boyfriend's birthday isn't for another month. So I decided I would stay for his birthday before returning home in Hawaii. Well, his mother would not support the both of us for a month so, we made this plan that we would stay at her house for a week and then go to a friend's house to finish out the month before I went home. Well, it's been a week and so far nothing good has come out of it. In fact the total opposite has happened. Nothing but arguing has been going on.

It's all between my boyfriend and his mom. She claims to be going under a lot of stress, and one can understand that in these times there is a lot of stress going around on everyone, including my family and ourselves. Even over summer break we have a lot to worry about, such as FASFA and transferring into a new college. I understand that she has no money right now, kind of. She should have just gotten a tax refund and with Craig having gone to college she should have gotten something out of it. But I guess it all went to seeing his sister. Which I understand that too, she just had a baby. She's a second time grandmother now.

My problem is, Craig and his mom get in these fights, and because the both of them are hard headed, neither one of them lets up on the other. Just a couple of days ago they got in an argument for two hours, all because Craig just wanted to get some stress off of his chest. I guess his mom somehow saw it as him asking for money and she started getting mad and things escalated. Craig tried to keep a level head through the whole thing. But his mom just kept yelling. And, you think with company over you would try to keep things under control. Craig tried to tell me it was because I'm not just company anymore, but according to her I'm still just a girlfriend. Not a future wife, nothing but a girlfriend. If this is so, than I am just company, which means one should/would control their temper, right?
But I guess that's just me. I guess she sees things differently, and I can't tell her she's wrong. I mean, she's letting me live in her house. She's done this more than once. Who am I to say anything?

But basically I just hid that whole time they argued. And, part of it was about me. I had made a post on facebook, talking about parents in general, because my mother would try to argue with me as well, when I would just try to get something off my chest. But she saw it as targeted towards her, and so she started yelling at him for what I did. I deleted the post, and yes I know I probably shouldn't have made the post. It was up for only a an hour at most. But I took it down, so no one would have to worry about it anymore. But, I still feel the tension.

See, when I feel like someone has reason to dislike me, I hold onto that thought and it kinda grows inside my mind. Since I gave her that reason to dislike me, even for a little bit, it seems to me that she the type of person to hold a grudge against someone. She would never say anything to me personally (which I feel is contradictory to what she says about her not caring what other people think of her), but I know from her arguments with Craig the past couple of days that it's possible she's holding things in and letting things get worse inside her head. And if she's like me (which in this case she would be) then everything I do is wrong in her eyes right now. Me sitting on her couch, not doing anything is wrong to her. I feel like I should be constantly cleaning. Even though I'm supposedly a guest.

I mean, there's nothing here to do, considering me and Craig are the only two our age for miles around. She lives in the middle nowhere so there's no where to go unless someone wants to come get us, but there's no one with the time or the will to come get us from all the way out here.

Anyway. I guess I just wanted to say that it seems to me my boyfriend's mom is taking out her life on my boyfriend. She's trying to rationalize it, and that's because one, she doesn't realize what she's actually doing, and two, she just doesn't want to admit it. I mean, who wants to be wrong, right?

But I'm also ready to get out of here. I feel the tension, and I fear it's just growing and growing. Ever since that two hour argument she just isn't someone I want to be around anymore. Before it was fine. But now, she just bothers me. I fear she's angry at me, that everything I do is wrong. And I don't want to give her anymore reason to dislike me.

I feel like things would have been better, and easier, on everyone, if I had just gone home...