"I'm a soldier, meaning that I'm
Both the defendent and the judge
I'm standing on both sides of the fire
Moving along curves, overtaking death and life
I'm running to battle with the shadow of a lie"
So, lately I have been feeling like crap, again. I know, that's all I seem to write about, but it always makes me feel better. And only one or two people actually read my journals, so, I figure it's okay.
But anyway, I've been feeling like crap because I got a letter that I owe Columbus State University $170 odd bucks. And it was for my meal plan, that I did use while for the week I was there. No, I did not spend $170 on food, I don't believe, but it is more for the fact that I did use my meal plan at all. I do have to consider myself luck that this is all they're charging me. I currently have $122 in my bank account, so another $50 or so should do it for me. That $50 shouldn't be hard to get soon, what with my babysitting "job" that I have. As long as people pay me in check. (I suppose I could always ask them that I prefer they pay me in check, I'll give that a shot next time.) However, my problem is, how do I explain that suddenly I just spent $170 on school. No, I didn't tell them, and I suppose I should, however, I'm just so scared. We're so close to the move and my mom is stressing more than ever in her life because of it. She's getting ready to quit her job (and she will be VERY happy when she does) but she's freaking out about the movers, and getting the house clean, and planning a yard sale, and planning fun things for us to do while we're here, and cleaning AND selling the van, and yatta yatta yatta. My mother is just a very stressful, worry-sum person and I fear that even if nothing is going on, if nothing is happening she needs to find some sort of stress because that's all she knows. So I fear that if I tell her I owe them something she'll freak out "well how soon do we have to pay that and what does it effect and do I have to pay it and" I dunno, she'll find some way to get angry and stressed out at me. I don't mind paying for it myself, and I would rather that I did instead of having my parents pay for it.
I guess if I do end up paying for it and they say something about it I could always just explain then. I would LOVE to have this thing paid off as soon as possible. Sooner than possible, really. But I can't work until asked.
I also have some news that I was thinking about signing up for online classes. This way I could just pay for my classes and not worry about all the other fees of room and board, food, etc. BUT, my parents have talked about it and apparently my dad's GI Bill wont pay for online classes. However, as far as I'm concerned it just pays for instate tuition, and that's what online classes are, so please someone pray for me that the GI Bill will go through for me and I will be able to take online classes. If it can't, I guess I'll have to hold off on school...
All of this is very upsetting, and I wish something could be done about it. But all I can do is keep in better contact with my school and get all the information I can. And just hope that my plans work out and I can actually start my life... Please, someone say a prayer for me?
"No matter how many threads deception would weave
Truth will show its face of light"
LIFE
Y U NO EASY?
"Save your tears
for the day
when our pain is far behind
on your feet
come with me
we are soldiers stand or die"
But I guess this is all when I have to remember that things turn out for a reason, and I have to remember that my God loves me and he wants me to be happy, weather I get there on the path I plan or the path he plans. I just have to have faith and hope.
"Save your fears
take your place
save them for the judgement day
fast and free
follow me
time to make the sacrifice
we rise or fall"
In the good news, I had a good day today. I hung out with my friend Brittany at the mall today, and ended up treating myself to a new shirt and skirt. They don't match together, but individually they were cute and I highly enjoyed them. I saved a few bucks off them, the skirt was on sale and Old Navy has a military discount (though so far I have not found a place that does not have military discount). We had a few laughs and had a good time. And I'm glad we did, for one, It's been a long while since I've hung out with anyone, let alone her. Second, I've been needing a day out of the house. Hopefully we can do it again this Thursday when we plan to have a sleep over.
"I'm a soldier, born to stand
in this waking hell I am
witnessing more than I can compute"
So in the end I guess I just have to try and make life with what it is and hope things work out. If they don't they way I want them too, I'm sure there's a reason why, and I'll just have to take it and learn from it.
"pray myself we don't forget
lies, betrayed and the oppressed
please give me the strength to be the truth"
All these words I have found in a song that I ironically listened to in order to get my mind off of things. But it only made me feel worse. But now I feel better just being able to write my thoughts all down. Thank you everyone for your patients, I am always looking forward to your comments, and of course, your faves. Thank you so much for bearing with me.
~Andi
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