So my mood has been... crap lately. I'm finally home with the one I love and things were fine for the first couple of days. I didn't feel anything but happiness and it was because I was with him. Then Monday rolled around and I called CSU to set up a date to move in to the school, I'll be moving in this Saturday at 11:00AM. Which I just realized means I need to get up super early. Bah. But anyway, ever since then, the week has been progressing and my feelings have just gotten worse and worse. And I think I know why. For one, the due date for paying for school is literally right around around the corner. In fact it's practically today. In fact, I think it was yesterday. My classes are being dropped, and now I have to re-register for them today and wait for the 19th to roll around and officially kick me out of school. I just talked to my mom about it, she said if things happened out all wrong they would take out another loan. And I REALLY don't want her to have to do that again... She already has to pay too much in the parent plus loan just because of me. I think another plane ticket home would be cheaper... I would hate to do that again to her but, it is cheaper. And then I can go to George Town University, supposedly for free since Dad will be working there.
So yeah, that's all one reason why I feel like crap. Another is I think the atmosphere of the house I'm living in now. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, by any means, because they let me stay in this house at last minute and they're so nice to me, to feed me and allow me to stay here and what not. I'm sure I am no help to any burdens they bare. However, the atmosphere, just seems to be a lot of hate. Craig's mother does seemingly nothing but complain and disagree and disapprove of everything and anything Craig does, no matter what. She has no belief in him. What-so-ever. She doesn't believe that he's been looking for a job when that's all he ever does. And when she finally finds one she still disapproves of him in some way. He's apparently nothing but crap, and I know they never used to be this way. I know his mom has been through a lot, but now it just seems like she's taking it out on him because he's here. And of course she wont take it out on her boyfriend, because he's paying for something in this house, even though I know when Craig starts paying rent she'll still find something.
Also, to grow on this atmosphere of hate. Craig and I have almost no respect for her boyfriend. Me probably more so. Apparently just because he pays the internet he thinks he has the right to do whatever the hell he wants with it. At first there was a timer, so that Craig would be kicked off around 11:20PM. Okay, that wouldn't be such a huge ordeal if they had at least said something about it. But instead they just left it for him to find out. They gave the excuse that it was because he wasn't looking for a job, which I know is total bull crap. They only choose to see what they want to see and what they want to see is Craig laying on couch. For some odd reason they don't see him actually doing something. But anyway, after just putting a timer on the internet, once I got here, they just decided to block his computer entirely. So what they just expect him to use his mother's computer from now on? I know she already hates it when he uses her computer. But then as soon as I pull out my computer it's suddenly blocked too. I mean, he can't do that right? It's my computer that I use for school business, or to talk to my parents, and where I may be able to use the phone to talk to my parents I still have files and stuff on my computer that I can't access through any one else's computer that I may actually need for school or any other business. Not to mention the computer are OURS we shouldn't HAVE to use anyone else's stuff. He may have payment over the internet but I don't think that gives him the right to block our computers from it, especially if we need them to get anywhere in life, right? Or I am just being a stubborn teenager..?
And on top of all that. My ear still has pressure built up from the plane trip here. I can't hear almost at all from my left ear. I've tried everything to make it go away, but I guess I just have to wait for it to go away. Though I wouldn't mind suggestions. .-.
Either way... I thought writing this down or talking about it would make me feel better. The fact that I finally talked to Mom about everything made me feel a little more at ease. I guess writing it down did make me feel better too. Talking to Craig helps as well. I just need some stress relief, even though I know it wont go away.
But, to leave you guys with some good news. Craig did get a job, granted it's only part time but a job is a job. He's going to work on getting a car, even though that's going to take months, but if he works hard on it I know things can get accomplished. Now that he has something it might be easier for him to get a job somewhere a little better, right? And Mom did say she would help me out with school. I mean, she didn't sound happy but you know, who would be after thinking they have to take out another loan? But it lets me know she does love me and she does care for me, and I am thankful for that.
I'm sorry if this is too spiritual for anyone, but I have to say, I thank the lord for everything he has blessed me with and for listening to my prayers.
Thank you everyone for your support and for listening to what I have to say. Or rather, reading. I thank all of my watchers for their support, I thank all of my friends for their support, for being my backbone, for being there for me, and I thank Craig for bring there for me, and for being the one I can trust entirely, and for loving me unconditionally and for trying to make me happy.
I also want to thank my parents, my mother and father, individually, for supporting me and helping me all the way through. I feel like I can take advantage of them sometimes, and I try to avoid that, and I am sorry for any and all trouble I have caused them. I love them so much, and I thank them for being my parents.
Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment